I bought this book. I have given it as a high-school graduation gift. I cannot recommend more highly. Mark Goulston dissects his natural gifts to share with the rest of us. Simple and powerful techniques for better and effective communication, especially with difficult people, or with people who are having a difficult time. Very practical and enjoyable to read.
Some of the things I liked:
- Stop trying to be interesting, be interested instead
- Let a person in crisis exhale: they vent, be quiet, they stop, say “tell me more”, don’t engage or debate or offer solutions, just listen and let them exhale
- Make everyone feel valuable
- Share your own vulnerabilities (bare your neck)
- Steer clear of toxic people: the needy, bullies, takers, narcissists, and psychopaths
- Ask: What is impossible but desirable? Then ask: What would make that possible?
- Ask: “Do you really believe that?” when they make a hyperbolic statement
- The power of “Hmmmm….” (and “Really” and “And so…” and “Tell me more” and “Then what happened?”) to de-escalate
- Cause people to look up (with their eyes) and reflect on your question – you’ll make a better connection with them than if your question is transactional (yes/no) (submitted by Jen)